The mess all started when I punched a 400-year-old fairy reality TV star in the throat. Things got really weird from there. Before I could blink, I was fighting wererats, getting kidnapped by superheroes, stealing a cape inhabited by the ghost of a magical genius, and trying to save the world alongside a 2,000-year-old immortal who wields a piece of Noah's Ark. All while struggling to not get evicted or fired from my job. That was just Monday. Tuesday is shaping up to be busier. My name is Sage butt-kicking sorceress, professional bodyguard, amateur superhero, and occasional screwup. For the world's sake, let's hope this isn't one of those times I screw up.